Have you ever heard the term “Be a Shepherd, Not a Sheep”? This was one of the key learnings I shared with my first ever 8-year-old client in June 2021, encouraging her to be proud of standing out from the crowd. This phrase rings true for so many children who come to Mind Station facing challenges with friendships and cliques at school. Boys and girls can fall victim to sheep mentality, joining cliques, losing their own voice and sense of self.
As we know, friendships can be an utter whirlwind in the primary years, with identity at the core of their personal development. It could not be more pertinent that girls and boys alike think carefully about the friendships they want to form.
Today, more than ever, we are seeing neurodivergent children struggling to fit in, grappling with low self-esteem, comparing themselves to others, and constantly battling feelings of being left out, not feeling good enough, or feeling different from others.
So, how can we help heighten their sense of self-esteem when it comes to new friendships?
Here are five key areas that we work on with children at Mind Station through coaching and some areas that you can further support your child in at home:
1. Encourage them to decide what is important to them in a friendship:
Guide children to self reflect on their values and interests. What makes them happy? What qualities do they admire in others? This self-awareness will help them seek out friendships that are meaningful and supportive.
Discuss with them what personality traits they value in a friend. Is it kindness, a good sense of humour, shared interests, or loyalty? By defining these traits, children can recognize and appreciate these qualities in others.
2. Remind them that it’s okay to not have EVERYTHING in common:
Explain that friendships can be enriched by diversity. Having different interests can entice them into joining new clubs enables them to shift perspectives and gain new knowledge.
Emphasise the importance of having a few common interests that can form the basis for spending enjoyable time together, such as playing the same sport or enjoying similar hobbies that they can personally grow in together
3. Encourage them to not stick to one specific clique:
Teach children the value of inclusivity and diversity. This can help prevent cliques and promote a more inclusive classroom environment.
Encourage them to interact with various groups. This can help them develop a wide range of social skills and reduce the pressure of fitting into a single group.
4.Help them to find their voice when it comes to making friends:
Role-play different social scenarios with your child to help them practise initiating conversations and asking questions. This can build their confidence in social settings.
Encourage them to join clubs or activities that match their interests. This can provide natural opportunities to meet like-minded peers.
5.Encourage them to be honest, open, and always themselves:
Reinforce that they should not feel pressured to change who they are to fit in. True friends will appreciate them for being their most authentic self.
Help them understand that being different is not only okay but can be a beautiful strength. Building self-esteem involves accepting and celebrating their unique, individualistic qualities.
Looking for further support for your child’s friendship struggles?
If you are a parent whose child is experiencing low self esteem associated to friendship struggles , we recommend filling in the application form below and booking in a call with Chloe, the founder here who will advise and guide you to the best solution moving forwards.