So often, we look at our kids and think, “If only I had their energy!” But what about the moments when they seem completely drained after what seemed like an average day? It’s easy to dismiss their exhaustion, maybe they’re “being dramatic” or “didn’t even do that much today.” But for neurodivergent kids, energy crashes aren’t rare; they’re often a daily reality.
Their brains process the world in a way that requires significantly more energy, especially in
environments that don’t accommodate their needs. And energy isn’t just physical, it’s
neurological. Understanding these crashes is a game-changer. Once we understand the why, we can show up more intentionally with the how.
What Does “Energy” Mean for Neurodivergent Kids?
Energy flows through every part of life: physical, mental, emotional, and sensory. It drives action and allows for rest. Think of it like an electrical current, spiralling through the brain and body, helping us function, connect, and stay present.
In neurodivergent brains, this energy is expended differently, often unconsciously. Masking,
sensory overload, and executive functioning demand more energy, leaving other systems
underpowered. A child who’s constantly trying to regulate themselves under pressure will
eventually reach a tipping point, crashing the moment they feel “safe” enough to fall apart.
This is where the brain’s key players come in. The amygdala is like an internal alarm system,
always on the lookout for discomfort or danger. In a noisy classroom or unfamiliar setting, it uses up loads of energy just to keep your child feeling safe. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex,
responsible for things like self-control, planning, and flexible thinking, gets less access to that energy, which is why even simple tasks can become overwhelming. And then there’s the
hippocampus, which helps with memory and learning. When the brain is in survival mode, this area can’t fully do its job either.
So even when a child appears to be doing fine, their brain might be working overtime,
processing sensory input, remembering social rules, masking, and holding it all together. That behind-the-scenes effort explains why they come home completely wiped out.
Why Do Neurodivergent Kids Seem to “Crash”?
Masking, adapting behaviour to appear more “typical”, is common in neurodivergent kids,
especially when they feel different from their peers. Imagine acting like someone else for hours on end. Exhausting, right?
Add in the pressure to sit still, follow directions, stay on task, and fit in socially, and the mental energy drain becomes massive. Over time, this constant push to “keep up” can lead to burnout. Executive functioning tasks begin to feel impossible. Social interaction becomes overwhelming. When neurodivergent kids switch environments or tasks, it can feel like hitting a wall. For kids with ADHD, the brain may crave frequent novelty and stimulation. For autistic children, it’s often the opposite; they may become deeply immersed in one task, and any disruption can feel jarring or even panic-inducing.
In both cases, the mental load of regulation and adaptation is immense. Their brains are
constantly recalibrating to “fit in” or feel safe, which drains energy faster than it can be
replenished.Meltdowns, shutdowns, or withdrawal aren’t signs of disobedience, they’re signs of depletion.
Signs Your Child Is Running Low on Brain Energy
Learning to recognise the signs of energy depletion can help you build a new language of
understanding with your child.
Some common cues include:
● Irritability or mood swings
● Withdrawal or zoning out
● Increased sensitivity to sensory input or emotions
● Dramatic shifts in behaviour between home and school
That last one is especially telling. If your child seems “fine” in public but falls apart at home, it’s likely because you’re their safe space. They’ve been holding it together all day, and now their brain can finally let go. By tuning into these patterns, you can step in with empathy instead of frustration, and teach
your child to do the same.
How to Help Recharge Your Child’s Brain
Every child is different, but all children benefit from predictability, safety, and the freedom to be themselves.
Creating a safe, nonjudgmental space full of curiosity and compassion allows your child to
co-regulate with you, borrowing your calm to restore their own.
Start with small, consistent practices:
● Prepare for transitions: Give advance notice before shifting activities. “In 10 minutes,
we’ll get ready for dinner.”
● Use grounding tools: Keep a basket of favourite sensory items nearby: blankets, toys,
fidgets, or calming scents.
● Offer choices: “Would you like quiet time in your room or to listen to music with your
headphones?”
● Check in: Ask, “What would help your body feel calmer right now?”
Encourage play, downtime, and rest, not just productivity. These are all vital ways to recharge a tired brain.
Shifting Perspective: From Blame to Compassion
When you lead with compassion, you create safety for both your child and yourself. Instead of reacting with blame or frustration, both of which drain energy, you stay regulated and present, modelling emotional resilience.
Behaviour is only the tip of the iceberg. Underneath are needs, stressors, and stories waiting tobe heard. Curiosity and open communication create a steady, flowing energy exchange that helps everyone feel more grounded.
Practical Tips: Creating Energy-Friendly Environments
Even when you’re not with your child, you can help protect their energy. For example:
● Let teachers know about your child’s energy patterns and regulation tools.
● Create a visual routine or regulation chart they can follow on their own.
● Set up a “calm corner” with familiar, soothing items they can access when they feel
overwhelmed.
Most importantly, help your child understand their energy limits. When they learn to listen to their body and advocate for their needs, they’re better equipped to navigate the world with
confidence and clarity.
Conclusion
Energy depletion in neurodivergent kids is very real and very understandable. It’s not a sign of laziness or manipulation. It’s the result of invisible effort that adds up across the day.
By learning to observe and honour your child’s energy rhythms, you help them develop
self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and long-term resilience.
Compassion, not criticism, is the key. When we shift our focus from “fixing” behaviour to
supporting the nervous system, we unlock a more connected and sustainable way to support
our kids.
Let’s build a world where kids are allowed to rest and grow stronger because of it.